


Ad Memoriam

by Darkest_Day



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Forsaken Trailer Spoilers, M/M, POV First Person, Post-Warmind, Timeline Told in Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 17:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14919747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkest_Day/pseuds/Darkest_Day
Summary: It's been a long time, Andal. Guess I'll be seeing you soon.





	Ad Memoriam

He was brandishing a stack of papers like he had figured out all the world's problems and wrote every last word of it. He tosses them to the table and they scatter over the wood, Zavala eyes him suspiciously. "You know, Cayde," he starts, that familiar glint in his eyes. I make it a point to sigh dramatically, the last time he gave me that look he told me he was quite certain that I was some guy named 'Elvis'.

We were scouting in Old Chicago and came across some preserved pre-Golden Age junk. It just was this collection of discs and frames and literature of this one guy, all old and weathered but in condition no one would expect after hundreds of years left to rot. So I gather this stuff up and strut my way back to the Vanguard, thinking I've found the greatest thing. Everyone who was around acted differently, Ikora was interested in how old it all was, Osiris scoffed at the collection and dismissed it as mundane worship, Saint was curious. I was with Ikora on this one, you didn't pull something this old from the Wilds that often. But Andal..

"Look at that, Elvis, you've even got Golden Age fans" he says to me, then he insists that I was this Elvis guy before I became an Exo. And like the knucklehead I am, I answer to Elvis for the next six months.

But anyway.

"I've been examining the evidence," Andal continues with a flourish. "And personally I've come to thinks it's you." This can't be good, Zavala is frowning now and Ikora just looks amused. "You're Rasputin, legendary Warmind, defender of earth." Then he brandishes his knife at me, taking a step closer, something fond forming across his thin face alongside the mirth. "And I wish you'd remember that, so you could reclaim your full power and save us all."

I gape at him. Ikora scoffs. Zavala just _l_ _ook_ _s_ at me like I'm somehow responsible for Andal's antics.

Trying to keep my cool under the eyes of everyone in the room, I start to talk, trying to keep the exasperation out of my voice, trying to act like I'm in on this one. "Well, Andal, you might be on to something." Zavala's _look_ intensifies. "But if I'm honest with you I think coordinating our defence throughout the solar system sounds exhausting. So is best leave that to you." I snatch the knife from his fingers and his laugh sounds like worry. They're all stressed, I'm stressed. There's so much happening right now, the Vanguard and everyone else involved are looking for a way out and everything we know about Rasputin makes him an ideal candidate. I know it's not that simple, Zavala is bristling as he turns to the others and I'm left feeling warm with embarrassment just under my plating and Andal drapes his arm around my shoulders affectionately. Someone laughs, Andal withdraws and gathers up the papers strewn over the table. The meeting continues.

* * *

 

Mars is cold. Sure, I'm pretty much a heater made with all this Golden Age tech and metal but I can still feel the cold acutely despite all that planning. Not in my joints, like I've heard humans complain about sometimes. And I don't really think Awoken feel cold at all, never heard them make so much as a displeased noise when faced with that bite. I feel it just on the pieces of me that slide around together. My face, in particular, ends up feeling dry and brittle. My gear is good enough to keep the rest of me reasonably comfortable. I've spent a lot of time here on Mars, I've dropped in different areas throughout all these years. I was a scout for the Vanguard, I know my way around these lands pretty well and left pieces of me behind. I know the sand and I know the winds and I know the enemies. I have a different goal in mind this time. I've never been able to get in here before, and Zavala's tight-lipped about this whole thing but Hunters love a good rumour, and I've got more than enough of them willing to talk. Funny how easy it is to make them talk when you know how they work. Andal taught me that one.

That, and the return of Rasputin isn't something that stays quiet for long. It's a waiting game, now. What will happen? What happens if Rasputin decides that Guardians are in the way? Do guardians count as 'humanity'? Is there any saving us? I almost laugh.

I think about Andal again, he was never quite certain about the Warmind but he was interested anyway. Obsessive for a little while, just desperate for an answer that seemed easy when nothing was certain. So was Ana, she had all this confidence in her that things were going to work out. I guess I wasn't as optimistic as either of them.

* * *

Andal bumps his hip into mine and I swipe at him in reply, trying to take his knife off his belt. It doesn't work, he catches my arm and twists it behind my back and I feel his laughter against my back more than I hear it. "Hey, Rasputin," he coos. He lets me go and I toss his knife back to him, he pouts and puts it back where I found it. It's early in the morning, the sun is barely up and I've only just got back. I was out scouting a couple places on the moon, dicking around a little bit, not a lot of Intel but I take the time to enjoy myself out there. I can tell he hasn't slept again, but he doesn't seem bothered by the fine lines and shadows brewing under his eyes. I can't fault him for that, I don't sleep much either. Especially when there are so many other concerns. A battle is coming and none of us know when.

We sit close together on the edge of the Tower, our feet hanging off the edge. It's a long drop, I've fallen a few times myself but I'll never admit it. There's something about the rush of the fall and knowing that you'll just come back. It's thrilling. It's probably why we fight, why we can be so free with our deaths, why 'sacrifice' means less for us. The rush of dying and coming back, again and again, keeps us young, I keep teasing Saladin about the grey hairs in his beard.

Andal turns to me and takes my hand, we have so few moments like this. The Vanguard needs him and the Vanguard needs me out there. It's good work, I know I'm helping, but the strain on relationships make it difficult. I'm the one Andal goes to first, I'm the one he trusts, I'm the one he talks to when he has nowhere else to turn. It means I don't get a lot of time with him, especially now. It's rare I get a bit of this quiet, I'm going to have to leave within a few hours, and Andal needs to get back to work within a few minutes.

So I give his hand a squeeze and he kisses me before he goes. I follow him so I can give my report, then I'm on my way.

* * *

 

The doors haven't been open before. I've tried to get in back when I first found it, at the time I couldn't say what was in it. I had my suspicions, the architecture is pretty distinct, you'd be an idiot not to recognize it. I never liked assuming things, I could say I knew what it was as much as I wanted but that wouldn't change what it actually was – just in case I was wrong. I sit overlooking the landscape, I need a moment before I go in. Andal's been gone a long time but this time of year I find myself remembering. It's the one memory that's still sharp, the others fade in and out of clarity. I hate that the pieces fall away sometimes, it's why I write so much. Journal after journal of text and memories and things I never want to forget. 

* * *

 

The blood and either stained battlefield makes what happened here obvious, I scoop up the ruined pieces of a Ghost and a wounded little noise escaped my Ghost where she hovers over my shoulder. I can't blame myself for not getting here sooner, as soon as we lost communication I dropped everything and ran. It happened too quickly. At least there's that, I know I can't blame myself for this no matter how many times I may try. I got here as soon as I could and I know it would never have been fast enough.

When I find him he's still warm, looks like he's sleeping if not for the blood on one side of his face. Blood that's warm and thick, blood that stopped pooling not too long ago. I take my cloak to wipe it away, it's tacky and catches the cloth and there's only so much I can do. It helps. Maybe I'm not reacting to this right, I should be quaking in agony but I just feel empty. I'll realize later that part of me may have just shut down.

I wrap Andal in my cloak after I take his. After a moment of thought, I unwind the scarf from his throat too. I think about setting this place alight, turn him to ash and flames, I don't. I can't. I take two pieces of his Ghost though, leaving her core and the rest of her bundled up in the fabric with him, I can't bear to tear them apart. I want to remember her too, and the second piece goes to the Vanguard.

I pull him into my arms and direct his head to my shoulder, arm around his back. My other arm under his knees and as I stand and sway in place I rumble a soft distressed noise, it feels more real when he's lifeless in my arms. The cloak weighs so much on my back and the reality of his death sets in later that night when I'm alone in his room after everyone knows what happened.

* * *

 

I pull the end of the cloak to my lap, sliding off the gloves and touching the old worn fabric with bare fingers. I've repaired it many times, this old cut of fabric has been through so many indescribable things. It's getting to the point now where I can't keep stitching it back together. Parts of it have worn so thin the threads aren't strong enough to hold, it used to be longer, too, used to be pristine back when I first met him. Now feels like a good time to sigh, no one's around to hear me pretend to breathe but I do it anyway, it makes me feel a little better. I watch a Warsat drop from the sky in the distance, let go of the cloak, and get up again. I have something to do here.

* * *

My partner laughs, one of them anyway. We're a team of four, no real leader, we bicker all the time. She didn't like me and I didn't like her, we all worked together as a team and her insistence on leading us led to some risky situations we almost didn't make it out of. But I trusted her with my life, and she trusted me. Trust is a rare thing out here, best to hold onto it. "What, don't believe me?" She teases.

She wasn't a bad person, we just clashed. She could charm almost anyone and knew how to make people work for her. I guess my other statement wasn't true, I did like her. I don't know, it's been so long I don't remember all the pieces of it, but I remember her laugh. And I remember the stranger sitting at the corner of the bar, and I know that he was her target. "I'm telling you, that's him. The Nightstalker."

"I've heard the rumours, I also heard he doesn't work in a team." 

"Come on, Cayde. Between you and me it'll be easy." The man in question is wearing furs, large and fluffy ones atop his shoulders with his face concealed behind a dark hood.

"Look, I'm out, but if you want to chase a rumour, go ahead." She frowns, but the night ends later and she still hasn't spoken to him. She got close, staged a few conversations with our team between me and him that I was sure he could hear.

We got a room for the night, every once in awhile it's nice to get a real bed. I'm standing out in the courtyard swaying a little on my feet, half-drunk and happy and nowhere near tired. A man walks up to me, a Hunter, sharp cheekbones that catch the torchlight and cast hollows in his cheeks, pale green eyes. He's got a mess of black hair on his head that hangs into his eyes and a neatly trimmed beard. I size him up but he remains passive, so I relax too. No need to cause trouble tonight. I'm not here for trouble and I feel like I like this place already, I'd like to come back.

"Stranger," I greet, "what brings you around here?"

The man shrugs, "just passing through. Thought I might find a bed for the evening."

"Great minds" I mutter approvingly.

"Heard a rumour of a safe place under the Traveler." The Hunter continues, thoughtfully, testing me.

"I've heard that one," I say sourly, if this is a test I'll have failed for sure. I've heard this rumour so many times and I'm too cynical to think it's true. "You're going to travel the world based off just a rumour? What happens when you get there and there's nothing there but more graves and ruined homes?"

The man blinks at me, as if shocked that I'd talk to him like that. I don't regret it, there were a lot of Hunters who chased rumours out there, and I'm not one of them. Don't get me wrong, I love them anyway. Somewhere within the rumour is truth, and I like nailing down whatever that truth may be if I can. After drawn-out moment of silence, the stranger walks up to me and offers his hand. "You're the second person who's told me that." He pauses, then he says his name like it's some kind of honour to hear it. "Andal Brask." I'm only dimly aware that I've heard the name before.

"Cayde-6." I say, taking his hand. He holds for a moment, then he's tugged me close and twisted me around, pulling my hand up my back. I struggle weakly, whining a little too much for the situation, the handle of Andal's knife in my free hand. There's no real threat in his actions, or maybe I'm too drunk to pick up on it. 

"Too slow," Andal says, voice low and rumbling in his throat. He enjoys this. Lucky for him, so do I. 

"Are you sure?" I press the dull end of his own knife against his side and he loosens his grip enough to see it. Then he laughs and lets me go, I hand him back his knife, he claps my shoulder and he's grinning with something like approval. When we all leave in the morning, he wears those furs atop his shoulders I saw the night before.

* * *

 

“Hey there, Rasputin” and for a moment it's Andal and he walks up behind me and winds his arms around my middle and his head drops to my shoulder. I savour how it feels to remember that so clearly, like I can feel his warmth again. I can even almost feel that familiar press of his gear against my back. Instead, it's Ana. She touches my shoulder kindly, her palm flat on the old tattered cloak. “It's been awhile.”

All the noise I can make is something like a grunt, noncommittal and tired. She walks to the edge of the platform and sits down, letting her legs hand over the edge, draping her arms against the thin metal poles that make up the railing. When I take a seat next to her she gives me a small sad smile. She's got the marks of loss in her face, too. We all do. “It's been another year already?” She asks.

I sigh, it's a bad habit I think to pretend to sigh all the time. Haven't met any other Exo who do. Doesn't matter.

* * *

 

Andal kisses me for the first time in the dawn of a new morning. We had been woken up by an attack, a group of Hive who slithered too close to our camp. After we clear them out Andal was breathless from the rush of fear and adrenaline and hauls me close and presses his lips against the shapes that make up mine. I made some strange noise I can't replicate no matter how many times I tried to in private.

Cool, calm, and collected Andal got flustered, pink in his cheeks and digging a hand anxiously into his hair. I grab him by the belt and mutter something I don't remember as I pull him in again.

* * *

 

Ana's presence should have been unwelcome. It wasn't. Her and Andal were close, sometimes I forgot they'd been friends. She had been an eager student and Andal was happy to teach someone so willing. She learned really quickly, and she got _really_ good. Andal taught her everything he knew, he taught her all the tricks he used back before there was a City. Everything he carried with him for all this time was passed down to her, all his tricks and his easygoing way of figuring out just how much of a threat something or someone was going to be. He showed her all his use of Light and I'm confident he showed her the Bow, too, but she always liked the fire.

* * *

 

“Look at you,” I purr, sliding my arms over his shoulders. “Really moving up in this ruined world, aren't you?” I've saved up all my praise for after the meetings were over, saved for when it was just us. There wasn't a lot of fanfare at the induction of a new Vanguard. Once it was official it was business as usual, just how Andal liked it. Andal has set aside almost all the other gear he wore in favour of what he's wearing now. He got it made just for him. He still wears the same scarf he always did, still the same cloak he wore when we first met back when we tussled in the courtyard. He had a different shade of gear depending on where we went, different colours and different cloaks to help him blend in with the terrain. I've worn more than my share of his cloaks, now he's set them all aside for something new.

I'm still not sure of it myself, I would rather have him out there with me. Not trapped here in a Tower and a City with walls I can't climb. But he actually wants to do this, he thinks he can help and I know he can. He's cunning and brilliant, he is more than suitable. He smiles at me and I sit beside him, our lives are changing and I'm a little sad about it. But I guess we can't roam the Wilds forever, can we? Eventually, we find our place and I know that this is where Andal belongs.

It makes me wonder where my place is, but gazing up at the Traveler above us I think it's here. Wherever Andal is and whatever he needs me for; that's where I belong. “You'll be too busy for me soon,” I tease, Andal stiffens and turns to me.

“Don't, Cayde. I'm always going to make time for you.” I'm shocked by his intensity but curl up against his side, pleased. He kisses my head and tucks me in close. As long as I can still have this – I'm going to be happy.

* * *

 

I gesture vaguely towards the door to Rasputin's core. “See, Andal?” I mutter quietly to myself. Ana's gone and I've finally worked up the courage to get this close. “I told you I'm not Rasputin. He's there and I'm here. And you're..” a soft sigh, I turn away from the door and focus on the sky above to steady myself. “You're gone.” Andal's been dead for a long time. I've healed and moved on, but every couple of years I need some along time out and away from everyone else. Sometimes the place he died, sometimes the ruins left over from where we met. Sometimes it's like catching up with an old friend, talking to the wind. Other times it's difficult. Today isn't a day I'm whispering laughter and memories into the breeze. Today my words feel bitter and sore.

The sun begins to set and it's time to leave. There's been a lot to do lately, I've got a lot of plans and not a lot of time left. I feel like I'm at the edge, and I'm not so sure I'm strong enough to see this through.

* * *

 

I open my eyes, it's grey and dark and I'm faced with the end. The final end, the end that we don't get to come back from. And that's okay, I think, maybe I'm a bit sour about how it's all gone down, maybe I could have changed it, maybe I'm just tired.

“Y'know, Ghost.” I start to say. My voice comes out garbled and mechanical from my ruined mouth. “It's been long enough, I'd like to see him again.” My focus shifts, I guess everything I've done has led to this moment. I think I did well and I'd really like to think I did a good job. “Andal, you'd better have a drink waiting for me.” I close my eyes, imagine it's Andal levelling the Ace of Spades. I imagine the glitter in those lovely green eyes of his whenever he smiled. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about the first person, if you've given this a chance - thank you! Started writing this one night when I should have been sleeping, it accidentally came out in first person, and I got about 2000 words into it before I realized maybe this shouldn't be in first person. 
> 
> But also that Forsaken trailer holy crap. This didn't have an ending really before I got around to submitting this. Found a pretty good place to end. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. You can find me on Tumblr @ofaDyingStar, always love hearing from you guys. Let me know what you thought and I love you all.


End file.
